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Poetry

How Are You?

Up until a year or so ago
The blessings of good health permitted
Thoughts of longevity to prevail
Without a doubt.
They also put to rout twinges, aches, and pains
That unforgiving knees would disseminate.

Then my ready response to, "How are you?"
Was, "O.K.," until today.
Today's "O.K." would seem untrue, as
Discomfort, weakness, and fatigue,
Concomitants of cancer cure, sabotage
My willingness to allay, to prove
Ever-present suspicions and anxieties
Are immature and self-defeating.
But, as a protagonist who favors
Facing facts,
The vagaries of the blood's reaction
To chemotherapy
Portends uncertainty, debility, some loss of hope,
That shrinks the scope
Of my reckoning "how" I am.
As continuing attempts to alleviate,
Bad cells remain inconclusive,
Erasing my ability to honestly say,
"I'm O.K.," with conviction.

Helen Frank
Cancer patient, wrote this poem on October 27, 2000 and died of her disease, February 25, 2001. She was 88 years old.

Unbidden

A learned man
once told me,
"Don't put sentiment
in a poem
and a nod
may come your way."

But my words
have fallen on this page
unbidden.

Like lava
squeezed from the earth,
unbidden.

Or water
bubbling from
a spring,
unbidden.

And what is in these words?

All the calls I made
or did not make.

All the times I saw you
and we smiled
to live awhile again.

The time I told you
it was worse;
and we both
were like deer
on a road
in Wisconsin,
for a moment.

My daughter's laugh
is in these words,
and my wife's embrace.

My Father's last smile, and
my Mother's last question.

You are in these words
and I am in these words.
Everything is in these words.

The Death of a Son

I told her
I prayed
that somehow I might go
instead of her son.
"I know"
the Mother said
"I tried that too".

The Hallway of a Hospital

I have stood
in long hallways
in the evening,
dim lights
falling on the floor.

I have seen
bare, white legs
with blue veins,
flashing through bed clothes,
shuffling down the hall.

I have seen one hand
on a pole
the other around a nurse,
like lovers, strolling slowly.

A full, rich form
and a frail worn form.
Pale white legs and brown
beautiful legs.

I have seen life
full, and frail, and caring
and I have wept
with the beauty.

Nosology

It may be one clone;
it may be two.
It all depends
on your point of view.

Lawrence A. Solberg, Jr., Ph.D., M.D.
Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, FL

At the Edge of Suffering

It is hard to ignore when the future is clear
To establish a level of hope when it is not really there.
Yet what value is it to act from logic?
When what has happened defies man's understanding.
Isn't that what religion is for to deal with the unknown the
Unthinkable?
Speaking automatic phrases giving chances in numbers like
the stock market as if there is certainty.
All the time your brain wanting to scream this is horrible, seeing your loved
ones, your future in their eyes.
Magical thinking coming from your lips like you're Merlin.
So what is one to do?
Don't get involved, don't care so much, this is just a job, give up control.
Wishing you were not given this power to see their fate, their destiny.
And yet you stand in awe at the sacrifices in the name of love, so powerful
it transforms all who come in contact.
Understanding that if there is meaning to life, it is created in those
moments when one gives up one's comfort unselfishly.
And sometimes there are miracles, giving you faith in what you do.
Joy, resurrection, hope all there in the face of what seemed impossible.
A cure.
You go home and hold your children, thank God they are safe and you
have been given another day.
For you know there is no escape at the edge of suffering.

Eric Kraut, M.D.
The Arthur G. James and Richard J. Solove Cancer Hospital and Research Institute, Columbus, Ohio

Editors Note We are pleased to inaugurate The Oncologist's new section, "Reflections." Its space is specially reserved for the thoughts, feelings, and deep concerns of caregivers, their cancer patients, and their loved ones. The editors encourage you, our readers, to share your reflections.

 

This Article Full Text (PDF) eLetters: Submit a response to this article Alert me when this article is cited Alert me when eLetters are posted Alert me if a correction is posted Services E-mail this article link to a friend Similar articles in this journal Alert me to new issues of the journal Download to citation manager Reprints/Permissions Citing Articles Citing Articles via Google Scholar Google Scholar Articles by Solberg, L. A. Articles by Kraut, E. Search for Related Content PubMed Articles by Solberg, L. A., Jr. Articles by Kraut, E.